I like getting stuff in the mail. Today my long awaited pink tourmaline earrings arrrived from Salt Lake City, Utah. They were much smaller than anticipated in spite of the fact that they came in a huge Fedex pak which was impossible to rip open. I love pink tourmaline, a stone that will not only help me attain love but will also stimulate my heart and crown chakras, according to Melody a new age crystalogist. I must confess when the tiny droplets dangled from my fleshy lobes, I did not love them. When I came across them in the sale section of the Sundance web site I was elated. I zoomed in and out, zoomed in and zoomed out, on the image and examined them from all the angles allowed. I don't necessarily like trying things on when I shop in stores, but I guess these were much smaller than they appeared.

It didn't stop me from ordering two Danskin oversized t-shirts from Lane Bryant. They arrived within a few days in an envelope with their Fall Fashion's Must-Haves with American Idol star Kimberley Locke gracing the cover in Seven jeans, now available in my size. I also received a beautiful art book: Verdura: The Life and Work of a Master Jeweler. Oh happy day,two packages in the mail. I have learned that Mail Carrier 39 makes his way to my part of Belmont Avenue, between 11:30 and noon. Since our doorbell has been out of order and the instructions to knock on the window fade and disintegrate in our clime, in anticipation of a delivery, I keep watch from my mother's dining room window.

I also received my used copies of the biographies of: Pamela Digby Churchill Hayward Harriman, Slim Keith, Bill Paley and the memoir of Andre Leon Talley, the video of The Method Dance to Fitness and a long-long-long-long-awaited delivery of the cd Temporary Shelter by Johnny Dowd.

I prefer ordering things I think will slide through the mail slot. Of course I underestimate people's proclivity for bubble wrap and Mail Carrier 39's aversion to ramming packages in the aforementioned slot. I'm sure he's never had to lie down in order to squirm into a pair of jeans.

I also ordered stamps which arrived individually wrapped and bolstered by some cardboard, two sheets of Isamu Noguchi, one sheet of Dr. Seuss, and sheet of American choreographers. They sent me four Disney postcards for my mailing pleasure. I believe the art of letter writing is not dead so I do my best to send cards and notes with the most beautiful stamps I can find.

I've even learned to embrace the bills I receive. There was a time before the sheriff graced my doorstep with a summons for my ever-expanding and delinquent Discover Card, that I was loathe to open the bills and kept them in a pile outside my doorway. I managed to avoid the phone calls from the collectors and couldn't bring myself to negotiate payments to pay off my debt. I was pathetic. I had yet to embrace an abundant spirit and had not yet believed I could generate more income because I felt unworthy. I was filled with shame as the bill pile grew and the blinking light of the messages left by collectors was a reminder of my throne in the domain of Looserhood. I was forced to look at my situation, wallow for a week until I called and spoke to a nice woman who helped me negotiate payments. I have since come to learn that even the people whose job it is to call me repeatedly do not always have their finances in order. I found it was important for me to communicate with them on a more humane level, "so Mrs. so and so, how are your finances?" "Well, I'm human............" Then it seemed we could negotiate and work out a plan and I was empowered and it was understood that while my blotty payment history was cause for their concern, I was really doing my best to pay off the debt. So now I can't wait to see the result of a payment made in a timely manner.

So be it packages, presents, postcards, magazines, letters, invoices, I love getting stuff in the mail.

I like befores and afters. Cable facilitated this for me with an array of shows: Clean House, While You Were Out, Mission Organization, Celebrity Fit Club even Animal Precinct.

I enjoy bringing calm to chaos and so it isn't surprising that a healed and adopted critter brought back from the dead makes me misty.

I like how clean a place can look after the clutter has been organized, sold or given away. I've only recently experienced the satisfaction of clearing the files, bad photos, dated correspondence, old receipts, tight clothes with tags on them, shoes that pinch, birthday and xmas cards sans dates, unidentifiable phone numbers on pieces of paper, lipsticks, dry nail polishes, perfumes devoid of their fragrance, pens that won't write, articles I won't read, recipes never attempted, letters I never sent, bills from collecters I collected, transit maps, brochures, newsletters, old horoscopes and widowed socks. I felt sorry for some of my stuff and I thought it was my job to keep my nephew's left baby shoe or the dog from an old Monopoly game or Woody's plastic cowboy hat, or the ugly earrings I never really liked gifted to me by some well intentioned friends. I was supposed to keep the mini mug from Miami with my name on it. I was wrong.

I like that a clutter free space is about the potential and the possibilities of great things yet to come. Pristine walls and reupholstered Salvation Army finds and the ubiquitious plywood armoire provide the calm.
I like quick solutions to bad taste and decorating faux pas.

I don't feel the same about medical makeovers. I turn away at rhinoplasty and implants and find lipo not as heartwarming. I worked for Jenny Jones at the height of her implant confessionals and spoke to a lot of women with issues about their breast imperfections. A woman who had her implants removed was lamenting the fact that one was still slightly larger than the other. It seemed to me that it was about narcissim and self esteem. The remedy requiring a sharper instrument cutting deeper and to an emotional core. I was mesmerized as a friend of mine once pinched all the parts of her body that had to go. Now as someone whose likeness was captured by Lucien Freud in a Met retrospective years ago, there are parts of me that have to go as well. Lucien painted another fat girl feeling the same as me but brave enough to lie still and vulnerable for everyone to see.

I like befores and afters and my current fascination is the one that features me.

Today I'll exercise, tomorrow I won't.

I also like watching female judges dole out justice on national TV.