I should be dieting. I was trying to decide whether to use a large or normal sized font today. I opted for normal because I am not sure what that means. I am a plus-sized Goddess, I take up a lot of space. I squeeze into things like booths at restaurants, last year's clothes, airline seats,powder rooms, phone booths, bus and subway aisles, and I stretch things out. I stretched out this particular draft and find that more than a month later I'm prepared to continue.

I should be dieting now, I should be rewinding an exercise tape, drinking gallons of water, planning a low calorie meal, donning some shorts and a t-shirt and my gym shoes, and yeah, I should be stretching and warming up and gearing up to cardio down. Instead I heated up some rice and beans, enjoyed an ice cream cone with some Thanksgiving spumoni, ate half a turkey sandwich and had some mini Milanos.

Between watching the movie Yes, taking and making work related phone calls, contemplating my next low-cal snack, ordering two size 3x fleece jackets, that I hope fit, ordering books and music from Amazon.com: my long anticipated tome by fellow blogger Colby Buzzell's My War: Killing Time in Iraq, as well as favorite American Idol - Fantasia's Free Yourself who can sing, but can't read, as well as the play I Am My Own Wife, The Essenes: Children of the Light, Tease!: The Best of Burlesque, a cd I am willing to inspire me to dance and lose weight, and Zadie Smith's On Beauty.

I also have to contend with the tearing up of Pachamama next door. Developers have landed in our midst and they have brought in earth movers to paw at the not-yet-frozen lot. I no longer set an alarm, the shaking of our building is enough to rouse me from my bed. I hate it. I dread the lack of sunshine developers and new construction brings. I have an unobstructed view of the sky from the windows in my kitchen, dining room and bathroom. While the dining room windows are covered, I see the most from the kitchen and bathroom. I actually do more observing from my bathroom window. On almost every clear night I spot a star or a distant satellite in the eastern skies. I promise myself I'll find out what it is, I love it just the same. In the summer I do my best to try to cover up my bare kitchen window in order to cool off the room but I love the big pieces of sky that even hand made paper can not hide. I've lived curtains optional for a long time and the idea of peering neighbors gives me the creeps. There's a wooden ladder propped against the protective fence and I could imagine ancient civilations being uncovered next door. I could imagine slaves laden with buckets of earth and craftsmen laboring up and down the ladder a thousand times in a day, with the end result a temple or a tomb - not a condominum complex.

Perhaps an enlightened architect would insist on green space and consider blending in with the neighbors instead of dominating the landscape. Last night I looked out my kitchen window and for an instant I thought the back part of the lot next door was filled with xmas trees. I saw tall bushy shadows and when I checked again in the morning I saw that I had been fooled by massive piles of dirt. Over the summer the empty lot became a praire of sorts. I watched birds blend with the overgrown grasses and weeds and whatever else grows when you neglect the earth. I watched them scour the ground for food and watched them bathe in the puddles of water that appeared after the storms. I watched rabbits playing about and was grateful for the makeshift preserve next door. I kept a keen eye for rats, thinking they too would appreciate this oasis in the hood, to no prevail.

I should be dieting today. There is snow on the ground and it's enough to keep the excavation at bay. The muddy earth looks like its been sprinkled with powdered sugar. I am going to enjoy the fact that my building is not shaking and that all is quiet today. I should be dieting today. FYI this was completed 12/1/05